January, in a nutshell

January is kind of a downer month. We’re coming down off the
Christmas high, taking down the pretty decorations and tossing out the tree
that’s been dead since around two weeks before Christmas. It’s pretty rough, if
you ask me. Like coming home from a really great vacation and forcing yourself
to face the realities of unpacking, laundry, and settling all the money you
spent while away. January. It’s just the worst.

We are settling into our new reality of a different church
and no jobs. It’s exciting and terrifying. Have you ever noticed how easy it is
to tell someone who is fretting about the uncertainties of life that God is in
control and He always provides? It’s pretty darn easy to say it to someone
else. It’s also not that difficult to hear someone say it to you, but to
believe it, I mean really believe it, that’s a whole other story.

That’s where we’re at. Praying, searching, waiting, living,
and trying with all our might to rest, in Him.

I remember when I was trying to teach the kids to float on their
backs. “Just lay your head back on my shoulder and relax. Don’t fight me. I’ve
got you. I’m not going to let you sink.” Each of them would try, but as I would
loosen my grip just slightly, they would panic and try to get up. That’s me
these days. I like to have plans and see everything laid out before me to feel
truly safe. Clearly, God has other plans. So I’m practicing laying my head back
and relaxing, trusting Him.