Second chances

Remember way back to three weeks ago when I wrote about kids growing up and the terror I felt every time I watched Coleman drive away in his truck? The biggest fear I had was getting a call that he had been in an accident. I hated the feeling of not having control of where he was or what might happen to him; the fear of the unknown. Turns out the big thing I feared came to pass, only a couple of months into him getting his drivers license.

Less than ten minutes after he left to head to a church small group meeting, he called me near tears saying that he’d been in a bad accident on the freeway, something about hitting a pole and knocking it down. My heart immediately raced as I could hear the fear in his shaky voice. He said he was okay, someone had already called 911, and the police were there. I dropped everything and got in the car to go to my baby. Josie was with me so I was forced to not let myself panic. We prayed and I called Andy to tell him. At least he was able to call me, rather than a police officer telling me my son was seriously injured, or worse.

As soon as I turned onto the onramp to get on I-5 I saw the flashing lights and halted traffic. Fire trucks, police cars, ambulances, lights, fear, worry. In the distance I could barely see his truck stuck in some trees on the other side of a ditch next to the freeway, but I couldn’t see him. I just needed to see him, to hug him and assure him that no matter what had happened, it would be okay; we would be okay. That’s my job. The police wouldn’t let me go to him since there was an electrical line down and they needed to make sure it was safe. So there I sat, sitting, waiting, completely helpless, and still unable to see him. …

The new good old days

It’s been so long I think I forgot how to write, or what to write.  But I guess sometimes you just have to go for it and write; type away and see what comes out. What’s coming out for me these days is a lot of reminiscing, looking at old photos and longing for the days when our whole family ate dinner together, then we tucked their sweet little faces into bed, like little burritos, by 8:00 and had time to hang out just Andy and me. Oh the days when my biggest worries were wondering if our kids would ever stop pooping their pants.

But the poopy pants stopped. The kids got older, one is now away at college, the next just got his driver’s license causing me to say all the prayers every time I watch him drive away in his beat-up ’85 Toyota truck which happens to be a stick shift.  God help us. We have to put a date on the calendar to have “family day” a month ahead of time. It’s a new season and new seasons are sometimes tough to get used to, actually forget that. New seasons are not fun, they hurt a little, and sometimes a lot. Makes me want to sit back in the good ‘ol days, rather than enjoy and appreciate what’s happening right in front of me; soaking in every moment. Although, the good ‘ol days were stinkier days.

School has started; a new year of elementary, middle, and high school, plus adding in college. So to say I’m on an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. I can go from laughing and enjoying watching old episodes of The Office to tearing up when an old photo of one of the kids pops up on our computer. I’m fragile. And also, This Is Us started its new season, so I’m done for. …

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