Tears for a cowboy

If you’ve ever read this blog before then you are no stranger to Judah, the cowboy. The one who loves to use his imagination. The one who spent his entire summer in cowboy boots no matter what clothes he was wearing, including a swim suit. Judah, the one who had no qualms about walking through the mall in full Zorro costume. I say had because this has become a thing of the past and I am grieving. I blame school. It began when we went school shopping for clothes. All of a sudden my little cowboy who was lost without his cowboy hat would not be satisfied with anything other than skinny jeans. Just one week earlier he was asking if he would be allowed to dress in all of his cowboy stuff when he went to school. To think I was actually worried about him putting up a fight regarding wearing spurs to class. I had told him we would get him some new tennis shoes since he didn’t actually own any.   We came home from shopping with two pairs of skinny jeans, a couple of shirts, and high top converse tennis shoes. “Now this doesn’t mean you can’t still wear your cowboy boots honey, just make sure you wear your converse on the day you have PE.” I had tried to reassure him. But at this point I’m pretty sure I was trying to reassure myself that his boots would still be the go-to choice. The next morning he was dressed in all of his school clothes even though school was still a week away. I tried to act casual. “No cowboy boots today Judah?” “No, they don’t really go with my new school clothes.” he said nonchalantly running outside. Then came the lump in my throat. When he came back in I again tried to inquire about the change in his clothing. “So Judah,” I sadly began, “does this mean you aren’t going to be dressing like a cowboy anymore?” He nodded no. “How about Zorro?” Another negative. I was dying inside, but reminded myself to not make him feel bad (and remind myself that I was being a big baby). We all piled in the car to run errands and as I pulled out of the driveway I couldn’t keep the tears from spilling over, just a little. Andy asked, “Are you crying?” It was embarrassing, but I had to answer yes. I was telling a friend about this and she looked at me a little funny when I said I cried, probably because she knows the times I cry are few and far between. I had to explain that I cried because Judah is the kid who doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about his costumes because he lives in the moment and becomes whatever character he is dressed as. I cried because he now cares about looking cool which means he is growing up. And I cried because he just looks so dang cute in those cowboy boots and that makes me happier than just about anything else.    
Then…
Now…